I come to you one year later. 

On this day last year I made the decision to share my truth with all of you despite the potential for judgment and with every intention to normalize an experience that is not unique to just myself. Growing up with the societal expectation to keep anything personal a secret never really sat right with me, and as I grew out of feeling sorry for myself for all I’ve endured, I decided that instead of painting a “please feel bad for me I’m sick” picture, I could remodel it to be “look at me! I’ve learned so much and now I can use it to help others”.

So, as I do best, I wrote about it. The past, the present, and even some forward thinking notions about goals and aspirations. Ever since then I have felt the most authentically me I ever have in my life. This big secret was out and I didn’t have to pretend anymore. People knew me for me and if they didn’t like it, well, I’d like to say that’s their loss but, to each their own:) 

Instead of judgment and criticism I was met with kindness, unbelievable words of affirmation that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and my favorite part of all… vulnerability.

I have received countless comments, messages, and remarks about others who know someone with an eating disorder or from those who struggle themselves. The honor I have felt to become a listening ear to many others has really made this year so special. Although hearing “You’re so strong” doesn’t necessarily get old, hearing “Hey Emily, my niece is really struggling, what can I be doing to support her?” really affirms that people value me, what I have gone through, and what I have to share. I am so grateful to anyone who has trusted me with their truth, their story, and has asked for some guidance during an uncertain time. 

In the last year, especially since working at a psychiatric hospital, I have learned one thing for sure. Choosing to trust someone doesn’t mean they have all the answers. I for one, certainly do not have all the answers. I’m a huge fan of sending referrals, articles, and resources to make up for what I simply cannot offer. But when people choose to trust me it’s not because I have magical powers and fix things, it’s because they know I am willing to sit with them, be a friend, and help them help themselves in any way that I can. 

It’s about knowing your people. Some patients liked when I’d ask them how they were feeling when I’d wake them up and take their vitals. Some liked to color and sit with me without spoken word when they were upset. Some liked to cry it out. Some liked peppermint candies and when I’d see them pacing I would know the cue and get them some. Some friends like cards. Some like texts. Some like space. Some like walk-and-talks. Others like cookies and almond milk lattes. Again, know your people. Sometimes the smallest of gestures can have a really large impact. 

But, I cannot conclude without mentioning the reason we’re all sitting here (me writing this and you reading it). I am trying to raise awareness for a cause that in this day and age gets swept under the rug and minimized like no other: eating disorders. Let’s collectively educate ourselves, avoid using toxic language in casual conversation, and do our part to be there for someone who might need a little support. 

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, so let’s start treating them like the serious issue they are. I am lucky to be climbing the recovery rope, slipping occasionally, but managing okay. Others, are at the bottom, looking up feeling scared and confused. Let’s guide them our their journey and help them help themselves. 

Mental illness can be scary. It can feel awkward to talk about. I’m here to let you know that it’s okay and that talking about it shows bravery, strength, resilience, and can open more doors than imagined. If you take anything away from anything I’ve ever said, please just be kind. You never know what someone is going through because some people don’t share (and that’s okay too!). We’re all just doing what we’re doing, making sense of what goes on in our heads, dealing with challenges as they arise, and trying to find meaning and happiness in all that we’re up to.

I’m over here busier than ever, just doing what feels right to me. I’m going through the motions, potentially making some really cool plans:))) and crushing adversity as it comes at me. I got this. You got this. WE GOT THIS!!! So, let’s do this.