For half of my life, I’ve had a best friend, a companion, a ray of sunshine, and the fluffiest bear in the whole wide world: my Coopy.
I think back to the day I picked him. Little fourth grade me surrounded by teeny puppies with so much energy, each color-coded with a cute little collar. I wanted the yellow boy. He was so cute. Yellow, Yellow, yellow. I remember I dreamt about him.
But then we got an email that yellow boy was chosen by another family. I was sad, my perfect dog was taken by someone else. At least I also loved white boy. My relationship with white boy started out a little rocky. He was excited to be sitting on my lap and jumped up and nibbled on my ear.
10.5 years later I can assure you that white boy was the best thing that ever happened to me. My coops was my little brother who I protected, teased, and loved. Everyone who met him instantly fell in love. He was friendly, cuddly, and loved to give kisses. I don’t think we ever took him for a walk without hearing, “oh wow, that’s such a beautiful dog”. And although we’d just say thank you, we really wanted to say, “I know”.
A lot has happened in the last 10.5 years of life. I went from a girl to a teenager and then entered my twenties. There were so many happy memories, alongside so many hard times, but Cooper was always there. A lot of people came in and out of my life in that span of time, but not coop, he always stuck around. I just wish he could stay for longer.
For people who don’t know the love of a pet, it probably seems silly. But, what dog-lovers will tell you is that they not only become a member of your family, their paw prints mark a very special place in your heart. With each greeting, tail wag, cuddle session, and kiss, they imprint their pads deeper and deeper… but now this paw print is all I have left of him.
I had a feeling. You know when you have gut feelings and your stomach churns and something just feels so wrong? That’s exactly how I felt when I left home for Boston at the beginning of this month. There was something wrong with Coopy’s leg. It had doubled in size, he was limping, and we could tell it hurt him. Bed rest and some pain meds were what the doctor ordered. But something was wrong. Coopy always had sad eyes even when he was happy, but it kinda felt like he was using his eyes to tell us something, that something was wrong.
Back to that gut feeling. January 10th I cried myself to sleep. What if tomorrow is the last day I ever get to see my baby? I didn’t sleep and I found myself going to sit with him while he slept at a few points in the night, just to get as much time as I could. Morning came and I drank my coffee on his bed laying with him. I just stayed with him and cried. I thanked him for being my best boy and the perfect dog. But, then I had to catch my flight. My mom got in the car and I had some alone time with him. My gut feeling was right. That was the last time I ever saw Cooper.
Two days ago I got a call from my parents in the car. “Emily, we told you we’d be transparent with you. We just brought Cooper to the ER. He couldn’t breathe. There’s fluid in his lungs and they’re giving him oxygen now. We aren’t allowed to go in but the doctor called and she said he’s loving the attention and is wagging his tail”.
My heart instantly shattered. He was probably scared and he was alone without us.
Then he was sedated for some testing. The CT scan showed a tumor, but not just one. It had metastasized. His body couldn’t make any white blood cells and there was nothing they could do.
Yesterday I got a call, “Emily…”. I knew. My dad has always been the person to call when we lose someone and he says my name the same way every single time. I knew.
“We have some very bad news. We’re on our way to the ER and we have to put Cooper down. He’s really sick and there’s nothing they can do. We haven’t gotten ahold of your sister yet, but stay near your phone so we can FaceTime you when we’re with him”
I swear the world stopped spinning.
I pick up FaceTime to my baby laying on a metal table with tape over his eyes and a tube coming our of his mouth. They never woke him up after sedating him for testing. When we were ready, they would push meds that would end it all… but how could we ever be ready???
I watched my parents rub him, kiss him, lay on him, cry on him. We talked to him , and then just like that he was gone. The machines started beeping. I literally felt my world come crashing down.
There are very few things I love more than my Cooper. I wish I got to kiss him one more time.
It pains me to fathom going home to a house without him. He was our home. For now, I’m curled up in my bed, getting over a pretty bad case of covid, watching the blizzard unfold out of my window, just wishing things were different.
I know everyone thinks they have the best dog, I get it. But, we really had the best dog. Thank you Coopy for being my white baby, the best thing to ever happen to me. I’ll miss your sweet face and your kisses forever.