Perspective is a really crazy thing and today on my walk home from work I saw something that had me thinking…
I was on my 40-minute walk home, the sun was shining, there was a really nice breeze, and I was just so happy to be finished with work for the day. I had a tough shift, my scrubs were sticking to my body, and the only thing I wanted was to get home and sit in bed and just lay without any expectations or patient complaints. It was a rather perfect time for some self reflection and deep thought… two of my specialties these days.
I walked past a ton of people on the street. Young college students, older couples, homeless individuals on their corner… but one man in particular really caught my eye. He was wearing a blue dress shirt, slacks, tan shoes, with his hair combed neatly to the side; in his hand was a neon yellow construction workers vest. (Making the assumption that it was his vest) my mind went in a million directions but ultimately led me to one overarching thought.
We can decide to be whoever we want to be.
Now, you’re all thinking, Emily… how did seeing that random man on the street get you to that thought? I have profound thoughts, guys, what can I say??
But in all seriousness, it was a fairly straightforward process. Let me outline… (keep in mind all of this is a large speculation that could be extremely far from this mans truth).
Man wearing business attire= businessman
Man holding workers vest= construction worker
Man wearing business attire and holding workers vest= a construction worker on his time off? A business man hiring a construction worker? A business man buying a really early Halloween costume?? The possibilities are pretty endless, but I chose to assume it was a construction worker on his time off.
A human being does not have to be defined by their appearance and judgements do not need to be made about their occupation.
If someone (like me in my scrubs) looks different at work than they do in their personal lives, what does that tell you about that person? Or even more so, what does society want you to think of that person as?
If someone is wearing a white coat at work, does that make them superior than someone else wearing that neon vest? When their shifts are over and they return to their normal lives, is one person better or worse than the other?
Stick with me.
Stigmas. They’re alive and well and they have so much power over the way we think. We label people just by observing. We don’t even have to meet a person to have those carefree judgements passing through our often narrow-minded brains. But what if instead of letting those first impressions and intuitive judgements be the end all be all, we inquired and questioned and thought of the possibilities? Wouldn’t that make so many more people we interact with appear more likable? I think so…
My job has been teaching me this more than anything ever has before. My patients come into the hospital with histories of trauma, abuse, mental illness, homelessness, incarceration, and almost any shitty life experience one can have. If I was doing my job the same way people pass those thoughtless judgements, I would think of each patient as a lost cause; someone who has been in and out of hospitals, jail, homeless shelters, and really can’t get it together. These would be the people you’d label as dangerous, aggressive, problematic, and attention-seeking. But what if these were just people like you and me who were dealt a much different set of cards? What if these people never experienced stability, support, and love? What if these people can’t get out of these tough situations because nobody has taken the time to listen to them and see what they can do to help?
What if I could disprove the common stigmas and be a better person to help my patients?
So that’s what I’m doing. I’m leading each day, each shift, with compassion. Leaving the events of yesterday behind me and focusing on what I can do in that moment in time to make the biggest difference. How can I make this person feel valued? Special? Important? Worthy?
It’s harder than it seems though, especially when patients verbally attack you. In just one week I’ve been told these very endearing things:
“Get out of here you idiot”
“You’re delusional”
“If you don’t get into bed with me, I won’t fall asleep”
“What even is your purpose here? You must’ve been raised by awful parents”
And that isn’t even all of it. But it’s learning that they don’t want to hurt you, personally, they just lack the communication skills to release their frustration and fear in any other way. They are not in control of much during their stay and it can feel lonely, hopeless, and scary for many of them. I’m an easy target. So, within reason, I let it slide and just let them release that angst and anger, knowing that I am not the cause of their negative emotions.
Back to deciding who we want to be and letting those oftentimes meaningless labels pass us by… everyone, even my patients have the ability and potential to do whatever they want in this life. But sometimes those judgements can feel like barriers to success and meaning, which is why learning to tear them down and just not care can be one of the most liberating experiences.
I walk home from work in scrubs. I look like a nurse, maybe a med student, a tech… definitely someone in healthcare. I am not any of those thing. And again, just this week, I’ve been told two things by two homeless-looking men on the street:
“You look important”
“God Bless you!”
Those were (kind) judgements based on what I’m wearing. And of course, it felt nice to hear, but what if I was wearing that vest? Would people be saying the same thing? Probably not. However, I am not more or less important than that construction worker fixing the T earlier in the day. He has his purpose and I have mine.
To the man on Commonwealth Ave who sparked this lengthy introspection, thank you. Thank you for appearing to, as they say, wear multiple hats. Or in this case, wear multiple outfits.
To the rest of you, judge less, think more. I promise it’ll do you wonders.
